


Her

by SlimyWater



Series: Non nobis solum nati sumus [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But it was expected, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, It doesn't go so well, Light Angst, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), They talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28919481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlimyWater/pseuds/SlimyWater
Summary: Obi-Wan sat beside his Master and for a moment neither spoke. He was quick to break the silence though, diving straight into the topic at hand rather than skirting around it."I am going to leave the Order, Master."
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Qui-Gon Jinn & Obi-Wan Kenobi
Series: Non nobis solum nati sumus [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026216
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Her

He loved her. How could he not? She'd become his everything in an incredibly short amount of time, for all it had seemed the right path. The Force had been quiet on that front, or well, on the whole front really. Obi-Wan had practically begged it for guidance that night under the Sundari stars, that night when Satine had taken the first step towards them and hinted that he should leave. She'd never stated it outright, but she hadn't needed to. Once she'd returned to her makeshift bed Obi-Wan had opened himself up and received no response from the Force. 

It had rendered him motionless, unable to answer Satine as he feared making the wrong decision and upending his duty and life's goal over something that was not blessed by that which he followed. 

Then they'd been cornered yet again by bounty hunters. A shot had grazed Satine's arm whilst Obi-Wan had been too preoccupied grappling with a hunter for their blaster. His Master had been Force knows where doing Force knows what. And Obi-Wan had known in that instant that he could no longer lie to himself and use the Force's silence as an excuse - with or without its blessing he had to follow his heart.

That decision was much easier to come to in his mind, and considerably less so to speak aloud to either one of his travelling companions. He told Satine first, of course, wanting her to be aware of his decision. When her response was the brightest smile she had graced him with yet and a delighted bloom of joy that lit up the Force, Obi-Wan could only feel he had made the right choice. And when she spent longer at his side, her touches braver and lasting longer, their hands intertwining more frequently - Qui-Gon be damned - Obi-Wan felt his surety grow.

Telling his Master was a harder task. He waited until it was just the two of them, Satine off at the nearby lake to wash, Master Qui-Gon remaining alert over their surroundings through skillful application of the Force. Obi-Wan sat beside his Master and for a moment neither spoke. He was quick to break the silence though, diving straight into the topic at hand rather than skirting around it. "I am going to leave the Order, Master."

His Master's shock had reverberated through the Force, the older man casting a wide-eyed look at his student. He didn't speak. Couldn't.

Obi-Wan found himself filling the silence, lips twitching sardonically as he spoke. "For good this time."

"Why?" The words left Qui-Gon's lips in a whisper.

Obi-Wan's only response was a glance towards where Satine had gone off to, and Qui-Gon's eyes filled with an understanding.

"You feel for her, Padawan."

"Deeply."

"We are allowed to feel, Obi-Wan. We are only human."

"Jedi are not allowed attachments, Master."

Obi-Wan watched as Qui-Gon's gaze became disbelieving. "You are attached to this girl after such a short time?"

"I love her, Master. More than I have ever loved another." The words stuck in his throat, nerves taking ahold of him, but he forced them out with a determined gaze nonetheless.

Qui-Gon scoffed, smoothing his robes down with steady fingers. Obi-Wan had always felt his Master had a gentleness to him, for all he seemed rough. There was none of that gentleness now. Qui-Gon's eyes took on a hard, flinty edge as he looked down at his apprentice.

"You are young, Padawan. These intense emotions will fade fast. You must think more on your actions before you make a decision you come to regret."

Obi-Wan frowned as he stared back, but quickly felt overwhelmed by the intensity from his Master and gazed down at his own knees. "How can you say that Master? I know what I want and what I must do. I cannot stay a Jedi."

His Master sighed; the sound was more annoyed than anything. He kept his gaze on Obi-Wan, and it made the Padawan fidget slightly, fingers hastily prodding at creases in robes.

"You would abandon your lifelong goal of becoming a Jedi Knight?" Qui-Gon asked. "Of helping people as a Jedi? Was that not why you were so desperate to have me as your Master; why you could not go to the Agricorps?"

Obi-Wan remained silent and Qui-Gon shifted position so he was facing his student. He still used the Force to be aware of their surroundings, but focused on his Padawan in hopes of better understanding the boy. Part of Obi-Wan knew his teacher would never understand his reasoning, not truly.

"You've scarcely known this girl, Padawan, yet you seek to so quickly throw your life away for her."

"I am more than a Jedi." Obi-Wan petulantly replied, brows drawn.

His Master was not one to back down, however, and his response proved that he was more than stubborn regarding the matter.

"The Jedi made you what you are today."

Obi-Wan understood, of course, that his Master was not bound to just let him walk away from his teachings and the place and people he grew up with. Obi-Wan's first departure from the Jedi may have been swift and cruel, but it was under duress; so Qui-Gon's ultimatum and dismissal hadn't been entirely unwarranted - though Obi-Wan's friends held a different opinion. This time, despite the fact that they were on the run and were often caught in battle, there were long stretches of time where they had little to occupy themselves with, and so Qui-Gon had more time to question his student and try to hold him back.

A minute had passed without words; Obi-Wan noticed his Master seemed to be adopting his 'Master-Qui-Gon-Jinn's-Patented expression of smug superiority', and knew he had to speak up again soon, before his Master could be convinced the matter was dropped.

He opted to be as diplomatic as possible. The man's teachings had to amount to something after all. "And I am thankful for that Master, but I can no longer stand by my duties as a Jedi."

Qui-Gon stood, less focus diverted to watching the perimeter, a look of outrage on his face. "You are being ridiculous, Padawan! Do you not hear yourself? We have been here for several months. Months! And if I recall, you spent more than the first month arguing with her over your conflicting beliefs!"

Obi-Wan stood too, still much shorter than his Master, but feeling less thrown off without having to crane his neck quite so much. He couldn't grasp why the man was so quick to anger and reprimand, but he also wasn't surprised. Qui-Gon had always been partial to reprimanding his Padawan after all. "We are more than our beliefs Master! How can you doubt my feelings when you have felt the same? Or were my eyes playing tricks on me when I watched you weep over Master Tah-"

Obi-Wan took an aborted step back when the expression on his Master's face became darker.

"Do not bring her into this!" The elder man yelled.

"Why not?" Obi-Wan scoffed, "it is the same!"

Qui-Gon shook his head, presence less threatening but no less angry. "It is in no way the same, Obi-Wan! And you shall do your best to remember yourself."

Obi-Wan could barely respond for all that he was shaking. How dare his Master try to keep up the denial. How dare the man get angry at him for being the one brave enough to admit the truth. When he spoke it was almost as if he were hissing, tone harsh. "You loved her Master, I know you did. If she had asked, would you not have left the order for her? With her?"

His Master sighed and his shoulders slumped. All of the anger seemed to leave him at once and the man looked resigned. "I knew Tahl for many years, my young Padawan. We were friends." He sat himself down on his knees, not perturbed at having to look up at his student. "And we were both devout to the Order, where our duties were understood. My feelings aside-" Here Obi-Wan looked ready to interject, and Qui-Gon simply shook his head sharply and held a hand up. "No, Padawan, listen to me. My feelings aside, we grew as friends for much longer than a couple of stressful months."

Obi-Wan sunk to his knees too, fists clenched in his lap. His own voice was small, in contrast to the strength and indignation it carried before. "We have already told one another that we... that we love each other, Master."

Qui-Gon closed his eyes and parted his lips. He did not sigh, not wanting to push the boy further away, not when he already looked so small and so reminiscent of the scared boy who had begged Qui-Gon to be his Master not many years prior, but he did let out a heavy breath. When he opened his eyes Obi-Wan was gazing intently at his own white knuckles. Qui-Gon waited for his Padawan to look up again before speaking.

"I see I will not change your mind, Obi-Wan. You have ever been stubborn." Here, the man smiled, but it didn't last long. "I cannot force you to remain on a path which will make you unhappy. I have made my thoughts known."

Obi-Wan wanted to cry. He had thought the anger was bad, but it didn't compare to the words coming from his Master's mouth. They weren't the words of a concerned Master, but the words of the Jedi Diplomat.

He stood and bowed to the man. "Thank you for your understanding, Master."

Qui-Gon bowed his head in turn. "We will speak on this more after the mission, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan nodded, resigned, and left the man to keeping watch. He walked back to where their scant belongings sat and crouched beside them, rolling thin blankets up to store away in the packs, tremors running through his hands.

He was still slowly packing up their lackluster camp by the time Satine returned, hair damp and extra set of clothes folded in her arms. She took one look at him and sighed, expression somber.

"I'm sorry Obi."

Obi-Wan glanced up at her and offered her a small strained smile. "What are you sorry for, you haven't done anything."

She rested a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently, not needing to say more. Obi-Wan took comfort in her touch, hand coming up to grasp hers. He turned his head, laying his cheek on their conjoined hands and closing his eyes. The conversation with his Master hadn't gone as he'd hoped, but now that Satine was with him again it didn't feel quite as bad, her presence a reassurance on its own.

Satine smiled down at him, though he couldn't see, and squeezed his shoulder once more. She remained still for a moment before slipping her hand free, kneeling beside Obi-Wan and putting her freshly cleaned clothing into her pack.

"He said I am being ridiculous, Sati." Obi-Wan broke their silence and sat back on his haunches.

Satine didn't respond and so he took the time to just look at her; at the way still-slick locks of hair stuck shiny to her cheek; at the grace in her nimble fingers and small hands as she continued to fiddle with her clothes for something to do; at the slow curl of a smile that appeared on her lips the longer he watched. He couldn't help but match her smile with one of his own. He loved her. How could he not?

"You are ridiculous, Obi." She said finally, glancing up at him through her lashes, and Obi-Wan almost let out a noise of protest before he noticed the amusement in her eyes turn serious. "But not for love. Never for love."

She reached out and he reached back.

**Author's Note:**

> How do people write so many words all at once for fics... I may never know.
> 
> I did read this over as I was writing it and then once more before posting, but knowing me I've forgotten something or made a mistake somewhere. Feel free to let me know, I am at your mercy.
> 
> Thanks for reading the notes. I don't like adding them at the beginning because I don't wanna bombard you.
> 
> Have a nice day.


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